Fallout:

After a war of words - claim and counterclaim, the truth is emerging as to how the Curmudgeon Bullers managed to substantially out-distance his rivals in the recent Milton Keynes gym-bike event.

Initial claimed sightings of a Yamaha FS50E strapped to the crank pedal were retracted when this was put down to the confused diagnosis of an apparent whining sound - later proven to be Bullers merely whingeing about the decline of social mores and other declines in standard from 'his day'.
Eventually the culprit was traced to the timing equipment. Whilst other cyclists were timed on the Omega Speedmaster TS47-05/B, this somehow disappeared with the visit of the Pikey one. Not wanting to void his Olympian effort, Bullers enlisted the help of his grandson - not realising that the only available timepiece was his own Christmas gift of 1954 - a Bullers family heirloom passed down the generations.
Accurate to 1 hour over a 24 hour period - having had a new Lidl battery fitted only last year, doubt is being cast over the validity of the timings.
Bullers himself was 'unavailable for comment' - conveniently escaping to the South of France to join other cockroach-molesting time bandits in the Haute Maritime Horological Society brazenly comparing Casio and Timex pieces.

Respectful cycling:

There has been much written lately about the behaviour of ageing born again cyclists morphing into urban guerilla pavement bully boys.
As Rotarians, we have closely followed the lead of our considerate President Charles - ensuring that not only the Highway Code, but also basic standards of respect for others are evidenced in our riding habits.
Imagine this reporter's horror, therefore, to be roundly, loudly and rudely shaken by the Curmudgeon-Bullers scaring Mothers and their children whilst quietly shopping for half-term treats in Central Milton Keynes Shopping Centre. Clearly having no regard for the area been pedestrianised, Bullers left a trail of frightened families - giving short shrift as he brazenly asked for 'muffin' to fuel his anarchistic terror-cycle.
As Captain Harrott himself opined on ascending to his Presidency: 'Gentlemen, I fear for the passing of standards and common decency'.
A sad day for our Club indeed!

Progress in training:

Training progress halted dramatically following Thursday's spinning and donkey-ride bonanza!

The Titian-haired leader of the pack was seen limping from the class, pursuing the eternal hypochondriac, Oakley, to the Bedford Arms for a post-spin cider.
With the cutbacks in NHS funding, we were lucky to avail help from Stelios Haji-Ioannou who was also at the bar. The injured knee was x-rayed at boarding gate 12 in Luton Airport courtesy of Easyjet. Other than a brief misunderstanding involving some petroleum based jelly coated marigolds, the Pikey was let loose with a fine portrait of the patellofemoral joint seen left.
Prognosis is good, with prescribed lashings of the Grantham-derived panacea, millionaire shortbread.
The anticipated lay-off of 2 weeks will give others chance to offer smutty innuendo to the class trainer this week.

Pizza pizza!

With little of the customary procrastination, a meet has been agreed after a mere 24,146 emails - doubtless helped by 'Ole MacDonald and his bovine gang trawling the alpine meadows of France in search of the perfect milk producing herd.
However, a wish list has been forwarded of some basic requirements.

From MacDonald: potato waffles each morning, lasagne and Normandy cider for lunch, and a nosebag of Tyrolean granola at the end of each day's cycling.
From Possibly: just a documented recovery plan incorporated within the overall event method statement, to recover the inevitable hedge-clearance-cum-land-in a-ditch frequented by this rider at the bottom of any steep incline.
The last such incident saw Possibly and his wife stuck helplessly in a hedge on the outskirts of Aintree for some hours, finally being rescued by the famous collection of Cowell-manufactured Barbie-dolls, 'Girls Aloud' - the scene recorded here in a report from the Daily Sport.
I will ensure these wish list items are brought to the agenda at Santaniellas tomorrow.