CAST 2010

All done:

2010-06-05T01:04:00.000-07:00

Finally arriving in St Tropez, the last day was a short ride - with predictable hills thrown in: we've come to expect those!

826 miles, 39823 feet of climb, seven cyclists, 3 helpers, myriad memories and tales. Fun from the moment we left to the end - greeted by a welcome group of friends and family and a truly earned food and drink blow out.

Casualties? The BMW remains lonely in a delership in St Etienne - visited just once by Alan Bretherton a he picked up the missing passports and directed the garage to the white envelope cloaked in a shroud of invisibilty in the glovebox (the garage resolutely refuse to inspect the vehicle without the documentation).

Weary limbs from over a quarter of a million pedal revolutions and 60 hours saddle time.

The Somme, the Seine, Loire, Ardeche and Rhone all followed - the Massif Central, Alpes Maritime and countless other hills complete, and still smiling.

Bretherton, Brookes and Margaret Oakley also made a huge contribution to the ride - tirelessly shepherding, caring and pointing the team.

Eales - birthday boy and sometime hedgehog whisperer; Brown - rarely lifting his eyes from the Garmin Navigator, strangely dressed in a pale green suit aquiring the nickname 'Ho Ho Ho Ho - Green Giant'!; Oakley - unfeasibly afraid of heights yet driving hard up every climb, avoiding swooping birds of prey stalking his hairpiece; Pagliaro - hoisting his shorts to Borat mankini tribute and not at all looking gay in the process, his mapreading trumping conflicting garmin data; Cocksedge - like a Duracell bunny maintaining speed and rhythm whether up or downhill; Saenger - completing his grasp of Anglo saxon idiom and dialect, including the subtext of flatulence; McNulty - modsty prevents me advising you of his amazing compendium knowledge of the works of Monkhouse, Cryer and Allen - tirelessly leading the spirits of the team to ascent.

Breteherton - rapidly coming to first name terms with the AA and Mondial assistance teams, cooly dealing with frustrating manana timescales; Brookes - one man car scrappage scheme with unending good humour (though heavy eyelids often told of mounting Armagnac dependence); Margaret Oakley - our Mother Theresa and conscience, somehow surviving 9 days of wind, toilet humour and Brookesey's driving.

Full report of the ride yet to be collated from so many memories, we can all say 'Chapeau, J'y etais!'.

Getting there!

2010-06-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

Day 7 - and the home stretch begins.

Many thanks to all posting comments, emailing and texting us - this is a great boost to our spirits.

A fantastic, if late, meal last night. maybe one or 2 too many Armagnac leaving heavy eyelids at breakfast.

To start, a section from this year's Tour de France, a daunting 14 mile 2000 foot climb up the category 2 Mezilhac from Le Cheylard. Brown, never a team player, shot off in keen and speedy assault. Oakley and McNulty in chasing pack, the remainder sightseeing some way behind. All completed without injury, only to be met by drizzle and a howling wind!

A quick coffee, then 15 miles of fast descent - if only Brown had found his brakes! The cold at height soon cleared to bright cloudless skies and warming sun. The wind remained, and helped a 30 mile drag to the River Ardeche at an easy gait.

Saenger's descent to 'new man' continued - loud bodily functions, tourettes style cussing and a leering and lacivious manner never before seen in our European friend.

What appeared on the map as a slight incline proved the steepest climb of all - Oakley even walking as the wind twice nearly blew his hirsute artificial topping ravine bound.

All felt the heat as the hottest conditions of the ride ensued - the helpers reporting that the Audi's air conditioning was stuggling to maintain sub zero temperatures.

The BMW meanwhile remained in St Etienne - Bretherton attaining first name terms with the AA helpless desk in England. No BMW, 2 passports short: a logistical challenge, erring towards a Transit and foot passenger route back at the end of the trip. We await developments.

120 miles today, finished with an endless big dipper of down then up sections - mellowed by the last 30 miles with a gale to the tail.

685 miles complete, 33500 feet of climb: even Eales is starting to get fit, if not thinner.

Last full day tomorrow, a planned last supper and then a short ride to St Tropez.

Gordon at the gates of Khartoum, Alexander at the gates of Asia - all felt the same trepidation our errant velocipedes now hold with the Meditteranean ozone scenting their nostrils. Onwards - hopefully downwards!

Where do I start?

2010-06-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

The day 6 beckoned with fears of a 15000 foot climb tally - reduced by the last evening's 15 mile late foray.

We set off bright eyed and bushy tailed - like the cast of Watership Down (but quickly reconsidering given the French Agricultural Industry's preference to shoot anything furry and edible) - Rob's wig cowered below his helmet.

Bright temparament changed quickly to heavy breathing as the gradient rose - the peleton stretched from Brown at the front to a comedy masterclass at the rear from McNulty: Eales, Cocksedge and Pagliaro suddenly increasing cadence and speed in a vain attempt to escape.

Cycling continued - up, down - then up again!

The first calamity then befell the team.

In Brookes' words: 'Margaret was on the phone organising some sewing circle meeting, when I chanced upon a junction, maybe travelling at 2 or 3 mph. I asked her several times 'which way?' only to hear some needlepoint tips for her next soiree. Before I knew it, there was a herd of Wildebeeste being transhumanced to higher pasture. In order to avoid a horn and fur disaster, I took the only option and carefully drove the car I was entrusted with to the side of the road. Owing to some cheap Frog or Algerian immigrant labour having built the road (unlike DSD) the verge crumbled and I ended up with 2 wheels in a ditch!'

In Margaret's words: 'I was applying a 4 point racing harness seat belt to counter the centrifugal force as we encounterd a hairpin bend: at mach 2, I blacked out. Awakening to hear a sobbing Brookes begging me to go along with his sordid excuse of a story. He promised never again to wear his spandex speedos in our hot tub should I go along with his plan. I am already regretting my aquiescence, but seeing the negative effect Brookes prancing bathing has caused our Koi, I had to agree.'

I leave you, dear reader, to decide who is telling the truth?

2 and a half hours later, the car was recovered and back on the road - no problems. However, having decanted all luggage, bikes, spares and people to the X5 - this promptly fell sick. resolutely refusing to start, the equipment went back to the Audi, the X5 heading driverless to St Etienne! Bretherton unable to fit in the car had to take a 40 mile taxi to the end hotel. We were beginning to forget the long miles.

Finally at the hotel, surely there couldn't be a 3rd incident?

I leave the photo here to speak of the injury to the rider'. Comments suggesting cause please?

Over 66% completed - perhaps tomorrow's cycling may take the headlines? Today's 95 mile ride through the Massif Central barely remembered above car and incidents!

Day 5:

2010-05-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

No posting last night as we stayed in a very Fawlty Towers Hotel - characterful but idiosyncratic - we were met by the Patron clearly having availed himself of the wine cellar, and not realising that you can't walk through glass doors without opening them! His posse of helpers included a lucky black cat and a dog named Jirac:the latter quickly assimilated the English language performing begging feats for food on command - if only the riders were as quick to learn. The night's sleep was regularly broken by clattering plumbing - like Marley's ghosts dragging rusted chains, but all slept well.

The day broke to clearing rain clouds and little wind - fortune smiled on the brave band.

The Loire valley stretched beyond Auxerre to Lyon - our route for the day. This section brought welcome flat sections as we mirrored the river's meandering route - crossing back and forth the banks and stalking canal.

Halfway at midday - 4 of 8 total days' cycling leaving a further 415 miles to complete. Pretty as the countryside was, the ride stagnated in long staright paths: did Eales really miss the hills?

Lunch was taken as a picnic by the Loire banks - sleeping cyclists as Milton's Leviathan littering the grass.

First percieved ailment fell not to the Oakley, but to Cocksedge: having started tye ride at 400-1 outsider not to complete the ride (on the bike at least) - Paddy Power closed the book, reporting place betting iregularities on the Triad Hong Kong Exchange.

Remarkably, the attentive Doctors Brookes and Oakley revived the painful Achilles, and a fresh - if misplaced - confidence swamped the team as they set out to ride the first 15 miles of tomorrow's route. Crossing the Loire Villerest dam, climbing began. After only 1042 foot of climbing in the completed 80 miles, we climbed over 1400 foot in the following 15 miles! The sweeping river course was viewed from height, with Chateau and Gite of incredible engineering viewed on all sides.

The Hotel was again a typical French ofering - in the middle of nowhere. Comfortable, and with a remarkably hidden address - just what we needed.

Our evening meal was taken elsewhere - and what a feast? The salads were of main course size, and the main course of sharing size. Possibly the entire local poulation of Duck was slaughtered just to feed 10 - marvellous!

We now have 472 of 812 miles complete, over 21500 feet of climbing (tomorrow appears to herald a further 15000 foot). More than 50% complete, Tuesday's milestones of 500 miles and 2/3 complete will be welcome.

Day 3:

2010-05-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

The early excitement seemed a distant memory - the weather was turning and the wind faced the team square on. With again, over a kilometre of climb, this time within 40 miles, the head wind sapped energy and morale alike!

Average speed fell by more than 2 mph, and the 107 mile ride seemed daunting from the first pedal revolution. All helped each other, and we were treated to elevenses with tea by the support team of Margaret Oakley, Alan Bretherton and Brookesey.

The last named continued his attempted urban guerilla driving tactics - managing to coat the spare bike in mud as he wheel-span a 4x4 - no easy feat!

Eales continued to prove problematic - first in a phantom 'puncture' to cut a long climb short, then in some al fresco toilet habits in the woods curtaining the champage vines, then in stopping and talking to a hedgehog that had just overtaken him!

Lunch left a further 55 miles - ground out by determination: the wind still annoying, though the terrain was more forgiving.

Finally, after some 8 hours in the saddle and 11 hours on the road, we reached Joigny - and a welcome shandy in by far the most luxurious hotel to date.

A fine feast ensued - foie gras, asparagus, cote de boeuf, guinea fowl: all just on Oakley's plate! Wine - red and white - beers and even a kir for the effeminate Irishman, topped up by 5 courses led to heavy eyes.

Team spirit good, the realisation that tomorrow the hills start less good.

Please leave comments or text us your support - we'll need cheering up.

282 miles gone, barely more than a third completed - help!!

Update day 2:

2010-05-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

The ride started yesterday - from Calais to Bethune. What seemed an easy route proved to hold a lot of climbing - over 3300 feet in 60 miles. Early event bravado falterd at one junction as Cocksedge fell to the ground, narrowly avoiding a passing van in the process (whose driver found this most amusing!). Much was made of this over the Campanile dinner that evening.
Day dawned on the team for the second day - sun beaming down for a 107 mile Bethune to Soissons leg.
Eales soon proved problematic - overtaken first by a motorisd scooter piled high with a large French family - secondly Alan Bretherton - walking back to his car - and then by a gastropod farmer herding his escargot along a steepish hill. Trying vainly to recover the situation, the Eales claimed lack of blood sugar occasioning a 'fainting' moment. This was nothing other than a ruse to claim a few extra snickers bar to maintain his svelte reverse ogee profile.
Oakley claimed the day too short - even after adding a 10 mile overrun to the day to shorten day 3.
Heading back to Soissons in the cars, he failed to advise Driver Brookes of the correct roundabout exit - leading to a 22 mile deviation past several route barree -and affording views of the Cathedral from all points of the compass!
Brown admitted to at least one navigational error, McNulty failed at any time to stop talking and telling terrible jokes -other than an uschdeduled bathroom stop causing the restaurant to close.
Saenger exhibits a new found grasp of Anglo- Saxon, prefacing each comment with any one of several genitalia and mating related observations - Irene will not recognise this cussing, spitting, ball scratching metamorph!
Pagliaro remains strong - his distant leadership testament to the parts per million dilution needed to follow his 'dirty air'.
Margaret and Alan look on in disbelief - Brookes' driving emulating the worst and most wayward Naples taxi driver - blaming the driving lessons from his sons.
More to follow!

Rain stops play!

2010-04-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

A remarkably sensitive side to the Eales was uncovered over the weekend when rain returned to the April skies.

Having - gleefully- helped his English Cousins celebrate the Saints Day of the combined Nations of Aragon, Catalonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal - oh and England - training was excitedly arranged in the dark of the Park Inn.

Amazing, then, that with the advent of some light drizzle, the Eales texted his fellow Celt to cry off - doubtless fearing for his normally pristine weekend makeup. This elemental capitulation then quickly spread through the Marston Valley. Saenger had escaped to Derbyshire - Brown risked electrocution from his battery pack if venturing into the rain, and Simon Cocksedge never even appeared beyond the Mayoral boundaries, suspicion mounting of some pre-hustings support for Nadine Dorries!

Further alarming reports later reached this correspondent of the real reason for the cyclist no show: renowned International Chanteuse - Allessandra von Schweinsamme - has recently moved into a residence in Central Bedford. Her regular soprano scales ring out very Sunday morning from her garden, and if Eales scales his highest chimney pot, he can just catch sight of her - the better to appreciate her top notes - practising in the rain.
We can only hope that the fair weather cyclists do not encounter a light mist in France - surely extending the Cast ride by days if so!

Errant training:

2010-04-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

Whilst extensive training was carried out in and around Bedfordshire over the Easter Holiday, news has reached this reporter of an altogether less savoury activity by two 'cyclists'.

Under the 'guise of a training ride down to Marlow - brazenly declaring this as the reason why they couldn't join the local training, news reports on the website of the Thames Valley Police tell a quite diferent tale.

Following intensve surveillance of the woods outside the Great Missenden School for young girls, arrests and subsequent cautions were recorded. Citing a navigational misunderstanding of his new Garmin device, Oakers and Stato were unable to give real cause why they were cycling directly behind the girls' shower block - following a torrid lacrosse game against Haberdashers Askes.

With a trial date set for May 27th, the team are relying on the inventive advocacy of Perry Mason to extricate this sorry pair in time for the 11.47 Channel crossing to CAST!

Final line-up:

2010-04-03T14:12:00.000-07:00

All team members and helpers have now been declared. Despite an early congested field, there have been a few losers in the ante-post betting rooms. Following on from the infamous millinery incident of 2005, Ian 'five-chins' Bullerwell pulled out of entry when he realised he would be expected to start - and then finish the ride! Leaked details of a planned repetition of the doomed Lands End to Devizes ride of '68, with an Angelo Dundee inspired bearing failure outside Sangatte were headed off by the forensic evidence tabled at breakfast this week when an Oddbins pre-order was discovered dated for the 2nd day of the ride in the name of Mr Curmudgeon!

Final rider line up is concluded as:

• Stato

• Oakers

• Pags

• Perry Mason

• Slippery

• The Kaiser

• Flame

Ole Macdonald. Louse and Kav are following the route of either this team or alternatively Magellan in the hunt for the elusive North West Passage in 2011.

Helper line up is now finalised:

• Dr Love

• The Chancellor

• Mrs Oakers

• Louse's X5

• The Audinator

Mrs Oakers role is yet to be fully defined, but early veterinary training is bound to come in handy - debugging her husband's rug of waterboatmen and other like bug infestation.

With 54 days left, the race is on!

Easter jaunt!

2010-03-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

As Wednesday or Saturday appears to have little concensus, I suggest we sit down at breakfast this Thursday for a CAST meeting.

I know Manfred and Simon are around at the weekend, so will try to coordinate a ride.

Bren

Pizza and Easter ride:

2010-03-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

The Chancellor and Stato would like a meet to run through alll the last bits and pieces now we have only some 7 and a bit weeks left.

Suggestion is Santaniellas on the Wednesday, but if enough of us are up for a 100 miler on Easter Sunday, we could have a post ride meeting chez McNulty with BBQ - Brookesey and Bretho could join us for that.

Is anyone fit enough? The Pikey has started an intensive training schedule, interrupted only by a trip to Twickenham yesterday and Wembley tomorrow - both unfortunately involving booze!

Rumours reach this reporter also of Gluten intolerance being the latest ailment to lay low the wigged one. Recommending a strict diet control of mixed nut kernels and tree bark, Dr Brookes has apparently relented and treated the wig in a holistic new medicine attempt to help stem Oakley's colonic problems.

Return to the saddle!

2010-03-23T15:01:00.000-07:00

Following a long and painful rehabilitation, the pikey's knee is ready for road trials.

After a week on the pistes of France and Switzerland, supervised by the well known Swiss Holistic Therapy Guru - Dr Klaus von Pagliaro, the Basso was mounted in anger once again.

Despite elemental torment from rain and wind, and further a slow puncture in the first mile, trials were successful.

Commenting from the caravan park of Wooton Green, the Pikey one confirmed that miles could now start racking up. Unfortunately, the recuperative prescription of Dr Klaus for lashings of guinness and Tiroler grostl have done little to aid the fit of team cycling kit.

The Pikey rides again!!

German Spyclists

2010-03-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

News comes from the National Office of Archives of pre-war spying, under the guise of youth cycle training rides, to plot every road and pathway in Britain. This prompts comparison with Brown's late night dissemination of the latest Michelin European Atlas. Who is his Master, and what plans for European Cycle Domination do they have?
Tanfred (as he is now called after his spray-booth palour at Brown's 60th), can be seen above, 3rd from right.

New equipment trials:

2010-03-03T01:36:00.000-08:00

Eager to test his new 'equipment', Oakley insisted on company to cover any unforeseen eventualities.
Arriving at the Pikey Camp in Wootton Green close to 4.30 pm, things had to go right to avoid arriving back in the moonless dark of Monday evening.
Initial Campagnolo ease of use saw Oakley sashay to the base of Cranfiled hill without incident. Attempting a ring and gear change at the incline, he soon found himself unintentionally in the lowest gear - cadence rising to rival the pelvic rhythm of a Greek waiter pounding a Retsina-lubricated newly divorced social worker from Pontefract on holiday with the 'girls'.
Recovering himself, and refusing to admit confusion at the new gearing arrangement, we headed to the Ouse valley.
It was here that we met not one, but three separate floods. Faced with traversing the narrow flood walkway, Oakley bravely attempted to quell the rising fear catalysed by his twin aquapphobic and vertigo ailments - calmly juggling the mixture of facial tics, sphinctral lapses and sebaceous excretion whilst blindly tip-toeing through the rising waters.
Passing Carlton and Felmersham, Radwell proved the sternest test. Coping with the ravages of water and height, the challenge was compounded by the fiercely protective local wildlife.
Fearing attack by Oakley's hairpiece, the riled whoopers cob swan bravely defended it's lifelong mate - hissing and flapping in a frightening display. Showing little courage, Oakley's rug jumped clear and made use of a passing raft of branches, making a swift exit to the far bank of the floodplain. The rider fared less well, blaming the lapping waters for the growing wetness to his Pearl Izumi padded shorts. A sad tale of enuresis!
Replacing his scalp-warmer, surely little else could happen? Wrong!
With night descending in dark waves, Oakley was guilty of riding first with no light (carelessly forgetting to fit the Catseye jumbo strap for the swollen front bars), and then no lights as he fell victim to the rollercoaster ride of the Milton Ernest potholes. Darting between the traffic, the rear light was recovered in pieces. Though the flashing beacon worked, the cover and mount were broken - Oakley riding the last few miles with the light in his rear pocket - appearing as some rabid animal having swallowed a belisha beacon.
Surely Oakley will never forget the first ride on his Basso!!

Fallout:

2010-02-23T01:38:00.000-08:00

After a war of words - claim and counterclaim, the truth is emerging as to how the Curmudgeon Bullers managed to substantially out-distance his rivals in the recent Milton Keynes gym-bike event.

Initial claimed sightings of a Yamaha FS50E strapped to the crank pedal were retracted when this was put down to the confused diagnosis of an apparent whining sound - later proven to be Bullers merely whingeing about the decline of social mores and other declines in standard from 'his day'.
Eventually the culprit was traced to the timing equipment. Whilst other cyclists were timed on the Omega Speedmaster TS47-05/B, this somehow disappeared with the visit of the Pikey one. Not wanting to void his Olympian effort, Bullers enlisted the help of his grandson - not realising that the only available timepiece was his own Christmas gift of 1954 - a Bullers family heirloom passed down the generations.
Accurate to 1 hour over a 24 hour period - having had a new Lidl battery fitted only last year, doubt is being cast over the validity of the timings.
Bullers himself was 'unavailable for comment' - conveniently escaping to the South of France to join other cockroach-molesting time bandits in the Haute Maritime Horological Society brazenly comparing Casio and Timex pieces.

Respectful cycling:

2010-02-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

There has been much written lately about the behaviour of ageing born again cyclists morphing into urban guerilla pavement bully boys.
As Rotarians, we have closely followed the lead of our considerate President Charles - ensuring that not only the Highway Code, but also basic standards of respect for others are evidenced in our riding habits.
Imagine this reporter's horror, therefore, to be roundly, loudly and rudely shaken by the Curmudgeon-Bullers scaring Mothers and their children whilst quietly shopping for half-term treats in Central Milton Keynes Shopping Centre. Clearly having no regard for the area been pedestrianised, Bullers left a trail of frightened families - giving short shrift as he brazenly asked for 'muffin' to fuel his anarchistic terror-cycle.
As Captain Harrott himself opined on ascending to his Presidency: 'Gentlemen, I fear for the passing of standards and common decency'.
A sad day for our Club indeed!

Progress in training:

2010-02-15T01:03:00.000-08:00

Training progress halted dramatically following Thursday's spinning and donkey-ride bonanza!

The Titian-haired leader of the pack was seen limping from the class, pursuing the eternal hypochondriac, Oakley, to the Bedford Arms for a post-spin cider.
With the cutbacks in NHS funding, we were lucky to avail help from Stelios Haji-Ioannou who was also at the bar. The injured knee was x-rayed at boarding gate 12 in Luton Airport courtesy of Easyjet. Other than a brief misunderstanding involving some petroleum based jelly coated marigolds, the Pikey was let loose with a fine portrait of the patellofemoral joint seen left.
Prognosis is good, with prescribed lashings of the Grantham-derived panacea, millionaire shortbread.
The anticipated lay-off of 2 weeks will give others chance to offer smutty innuendo to the class trainer this week.

Pizza pizza!

2010-02-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

With little of the customary procrastination, a meet has been agreed after a mere 24,146 emails - doubtless helped by 'Ole MacDonald and his bovine gang trawling the alpine meadows of France in search of the perfect milk producing herd.
However, a wish list has been forwarded of some basic requirements.

From MacDonald: potato waffles each morning, lasagne and Normandy cider for lunch, and a nosebag of Tyrolean granola at the end of each day's cycling.
From Possibly: just a documented recovery plan incorporated within the overall event method statement, to recover the inevitable hedge-clearance-cum-land-in a-ditch frequented by this rider at the bottom of any steep incline.
The last such incident saw Possibly and his wife stuck helplessly in a hedge on the outskirts of Aintree for some hours, finally being rescued by the famous collection of Cowell-manufactured Barbie-dolls, 'Girls Aloud' - the scene recorded here in a report from the Daily Sport.
I will ensure these wish list items are brought to the agenda at Santaniellas tomorrow.

The final countdown:

2010-01-31T03:40:00.000-08:00

Although Manfred won't be able to make it, and in mind of Graham's miscalculated timeline countdown, I would like to suggest a post spinning pizza at Santaniellas this Thursday.

We need to discuss the support vehicles and crew, who else is coming and when (team's partners and from the Club generally), and logistics for the trip down and back - bike carriage etc.

Hopefuly all can make this, and I shall invite Tim along also as he is likely to coordinate the rest of the Club - although he struggles in this respect sartorially.

I have Lous and Howie also away, but think that an earlier rather than later meet is needed to stop the arangements drifting.

I accept all crtciism of paranoia at this early stage, but have seen these countdown calamities before!

Fish:

2010-01-29T04:51:00.001-08:00

Just to while away the time, I've introduced a little executive stress-busting game to the blog.
Click your mouse on the fish screen to drop food, and the 10 cyclists, sorry fish, will swim to feed! If you notice, each has been given a cyclist's name - spot the greedy ones!

Return travel:

2010-01-29T04:14:00.000-08:00

Graham Brown's miscalculated comments that the event is only 16 weeks away turned my mind to return travel arrangements.

Browsing the Ryanair site, prompted by Dave Chandler's email, I was surprised to see that, indeed, the corporate logo of Ryanair had been updated to more accurately reflect the customer services ethic of the budget airline. This is to be heralded with the new banner line to the website - 'Ryanair, we don't care!'.

Further onboard costs have been announced that might impact our group, including a 'technical drivel' limit of 3.2Gb - undoubtedly to be exceeded by Brown in mounting the steps, and an 'ogling' surcharge on glances at stewardesses' breasts / backsides / legs surely to be levied on Brookes and Eales.

On training, various cycle websites advise a training regime equal to 4 times the overall event duration, with recommended endurance comfort level of 50% beyond maximum.

This equates to an average of 192 miles a week training from now, and at least one run of 178.5 miles!

Help!!!!!

Oakers oestrogen levels soar!

2010-01-26T00:59:00.000-08:00

Following on from his residency in the 'instructor's saddle' at spinning, there have been alarming developments.

Following a cold but enjoyable ride around Bedfordshire last Sunday, we retired to the privacy of the Slippery's kitchen.

Refusing the offer of a hearty bacon sandwich, opting instead for a rindless rasher on a gluten free rye base, Oakley proceeded to discuss his new crotch protecting cycle shorts. Barely pausing for breath, he alarmingly dropped his Ron Hills to unveil a distinctly feminine pattern to his shorts.

Open mouthed and aghast, our cycling Celts calmly advised the toupee-topped pre-op transsexual to re-hoist his trousers before the Eales family returned home - little expecting such deviant behaviour in the previously secure sanctity of their own breakfast room!

Moving on -

Likely to be a full house this week at spinning:

McNulty

Morris

(no Charles)

Brown

Cocksedge

Eales

Oakley

Kav

Howie

Louse (either one!)

Tommo

Let me know if I'm missing anyone?

Training downside:

2010-01-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

Alarming evidence is emerging of the unwanted effects of strenuous exercise.

Testosterone levels rise rapidly. In normal people, this can be viewed in more aggressive posturing, and a predominance of unwanted body hair.

Where there is a lack of follicular presence, secretion within the sebaceous glands can have disastrous consequences on surfaces in osmotic membrane contact with this oily substance.

Pictured here - a preening Oakley hairpiece in a vulgar mating display, captured opposite the Litten Tree in the High street last night, it's testicular gigantis a sad testimony to the perils of genetic modification.

Sport for All!

2010-01-22T01:49:00.000-08:00

After the surprise metamorphosis of Simon into Sue Lousada last night, the group have decided to be more inclusive - inviting all creed, sex and ethnicity to future classes.

There was heated debate as to whether this new found esprit de corps would extend to Rashid, our own resident camel-hopper, but it was finally unanimously agreed that he be allowed to oil our gears beforehand. Being the swarthy chap he is, he has offered to use his own bodily secretions - confirmed as 20/50 grade by the boffins at Castrol.

In the meantime, I've accepted a request from the pictured pair - emigrant Rotarians looking to join a local Club.

This week:

2010-01-20T05:37:00.000-08:00

I've tried to get a celebrity pair of cyclists to join us this week, but also expect:

McNulty
Morris
Brown
Rose (before his trip to see James Blunt in Switzerland)
Howie
Tommo
Eales
Cocksedge
Kav??
Louse

That's 10 altogether - so let me know if you aren't, or shouldn't be on the list of attendees.
I won't be at breakfast tomoorow, so I'll see you at spinning or Charter, or both!!

Update:

2010-01-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

Only Oakley's wildlife hairpiece is joining Pags and Flame tomorrow.

Worried about other nut-hoarding rodents, the meet is now 9.45 at Oaklands Road for any late deciders!

Training:

2010-01-16T02:19:00.000-08:00

Training starts here!

Weather forecast is dry at least, and not -quite - so cold. Any fellow idiots can join Pags and I Sunday morning: meet at my house at 9.30.

Route is out through Cranfield, Astwood, Hardmead, Turvey, Carlton, Sharnbook (almost), Felmersham and back via Oakley to wherever!

See you there or text if you think you might be a bit late.

I have 4 'guest' cyclists joining us, as you can see.

Bren

This week!!

2010-01-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

Spinning this week:

Rose
Morris
McNulty
Brown

Eales
Oakley
Louse
Tommo

Missing -
Kav, Manfred, Cocksedge and Howie

I assume that's right and will see if there are any other takers at breakfast tomorrow.

Test:

2010-01-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

Just to test email notifications of blogging! Let me know if you get automatic notification?

Graham - can you confirm the route so I can post this for ease of access?

Weather:

2010-01-12T01:03:00.000-08:00

Disruption from the weather has only affected the less determined.

Pictured right is the intrepid Ole MacDonald cycling to check on Bullers - his affectionately named Blond d'Aquitaine prize bull in the foothills of the Marston Vale.

In the background can be seen his trusty farmer's wife packing a healthy lunch of Perry and Lasagne.

Others have not been so adventurous, with Oakers confining his exercise to adding weights to the bedding, as he repeatedly hauls the duvet over Mrs Oakers's head in an adaption of the Dutch Ovens party game.

Early turkey fuelled enthusiasm has waned: after last week's full house, the excuses have been rolling in to miss this week's spinning class. Tommo's saddle having been kept warm by the Kaiser is being prepared.

Spinning:

2010-01-09T02:59:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday saw a good turnout with Nas having to prance around whilst Oakley squirmed uncomfortably on her saddle.
Can people let me know if there are any dropouts this week - with Kav not back I'll give Tommo first option on the saddle this week.
I've put a feed to the weather and looking at putting a log for training for everyone up as well.
Time to meet up for a pizza after the next ride when Kav is back - that's be the day before Charter?
Bren

2010-01-08T02:42:00.000-08:00

Back on line!!

2010-01-08T02:37:00.000-08:00

CAST 2010 kicked off in the New Year with a full house at the spinning class last night.
Oakers took the class, with the Kaiser making a guest appearance having been awarded a pass out from Mrs Saenger: his story of being abroad just didn't pass the rumours of just not being allowed out with the boys!
More to come.

Rob couldn't work out how to reply!!

2009-07-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

Rob said...
Thats where Ole McDonalds chopper ended up. Tree hugging at Marston Woods is no good for him.You have to be telepathic to cycle with this lot. You all deserve to hang around twiddling your thumbs whilst I guess which way you are going next!!Mine is normally a Chili Tea. Chamomile can be usefully rubbed into the chamois of your shorts - it beats Bongela!!

I tried rubbing his Assos cream in, and it does wonders for the figure!

Most unlike Oakers:

2009-07-28T06:50:00.000-07:00

Little has been seen of a group of cyclists last seen waiting for Oakley to catch them on a ride amongst the villages of Bedfordshire.

Reports of liver abuse - a result of excessive consumption of apple based alcoholic beverage - spread through whispers from other more sober invitees to the Ole MacDonald hospitality trough.

Unusually subdued, Oaker's skull warmer refused it's normal breakfast of millionaire shortbread and chamomile tea - spreading a lacklustre sheen across the Oaker's gurning grin.

Search parties found little sign of survival, bar one rusting steed, decaying as a tree grew through it waiting for the cyclist that never came!!

Trials:

2009-07-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

A report from a different view.
Whilst the new bike appeared to function well, the rider displayed usual technical hitches. These comprised: inability to correctly set up a Garmin computer, struggling at any incline and talking nonsense.
At one stage, rider and bike were unceremoniously parted and the bike abandoned in the grass. I shall publish photographic evidence in support!!

Test Trials complete

2009-07-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

Following delayed delivery, the new Bianchi 928 c2c carbon mono fibre 11 speed campag has now finished it's initial launch & first trial. Apart from the company all went well. Removal of tar proved to be only a small problem

Succesful meeting!

2009-07-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

A well attended meeting last night brought much discussion and early agreement - there would be a mix of starters with both chilli-infused and plain garlic breads, washed down with salad and Peroni!
The BEST is now CAST, with the ride now starting at Calais, and requiring a hasty renaming of the blog provided I can find out how to.
A wager was unearthed with Brownie more certain of the tardis like internal dimensions of a Mercedes Sprinter van than Flame: you can see that there have already been some tests carried out.
Ole MacDonald seemed perplexed that 'Perry Mason' might be the only (practising) lawyer in the group - explained by the jar of paraquat he traded later on with Slippery.
Budgetary overspend at this stage is on a par with the burgeoning cost of Lord Coe's East London footlocker. The London Business School has assessed fiscal drain as rising through Q3 and Q4 2009, with advised cutbacks.
Eurotunnel carriage restrictions and additional charges has limited the number of bikes we can carry to 3, with Brownie organising a rota of fair use aided by crossbar hitching on the downhill sections.
Rising fear has surfaced amongst some riders in respect of training through the cold, damp and windy months - maybe the winter might bring fairer conditions?
312 sleeps to go!

Thursday:

2009-07-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

Pizza now at Santaniello's as opposed to Pizza Express.

I saw the cover of cycling Weekly and wondered if the potential tour winner was our own Oakley-cum-toupee?

Logo again!!

2009-07-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

Another potential logo has been put forward by Bullers - he is prepared to let us use his own coat of arms as a starting point.
We can discuss Thursday!

Rival logo:

2009-07-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

Incensed that the BEST 2010 event was only 'all about the cyclists', Brookesy has thrown his hat in the ring.

'I don't see why there there shouldn't be a fair reflection of the hard work the support team outs in. It's not easy tackling all those pinot washed lunchtime lunches whilst worrying should anything happen in the peleton some 20 miles behind. Only last year, I declined the palate clearing sorbet as I was unable to fully focus on the meal. In recognition of this, I wish to ban all talk of ultra thin 6.5mm chains, and propose a new logo and name for the event. I will concentrate on building up my usefulness - after a 20 year lapse - so that you will notice when I join with my colleagues from the Vauxhall plant in Ellesmere Port in a day of solidarity to fight the lack of thanks I get.'

We wait to see if this day of solidarity involves sunning the torso whilst quaffing alcohol and truffle-infused gourmet food - if so, we won't know the difference.

First the route, now the pizza!!

2009-07-16T14:52:00.001-07:00

Will there ever be a consensus of this group?

After the discussions of which route to take to Dover - Magellan's western passage or the Suez Canal, debate is now raging over the choice of pizzas.

Dr Love is calmly sitting on the fence, willing to take whichever crust, base and topping combination comes his way, but there is sadly little common ground elsewhere.

Lous(e) has suggested extra buffalo mozzarella topping, whilst the Chancellor is insisting on a gluten free base mix. Howie, on the other hand, lost interest when he realised it wasn't a whole buffalo.

Oakley has tokens for Pizzataliband, a new Afghan-Italian mix theme restaurant in Shortstown, though there is no confirmed intelligence of the location yet.

There appears little chance of measured debate, so maybe Peronis all round will settle the matter and Brownie can later tell us what he - sorry we - decided later!

Its all hotting up!

2009-07-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

With the return of the farmer from travels in Tuscany - viewing a new beet cropping attachment for his '56 Massey - the route debate heats up.

Said Mark 'I'm used to driving my tractor through London on Countryside protests. If any of them Townies give me grief, I let 'em have the spreader full face on with hen slurry. I'm certainly not afraid of none of them Estonian 'jackers, and was looking forward to a rare 'ol punch up. I can see that a few of the pensioners in the team might be a bit worried, but I hear that Saga give 'jacker cover as standard now. (Bex says I misheard and they give Jacko cover now!)

Possible Logo

2009-07-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

Having spent a lot of your money, reserving hotels I though we might save a few pennies by adapting robs xtramile cycle shirts and getting rob to have them over printed.

David, Simon & I will futher overprint with a copy of our over 60's bus pass!

Boris finds it all a bore!

2009-07-14T00:36:00.000-07:00

Recent discussions on the Bedford to Dover route have reached the Office of the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.

Reviewing Brown and Lousada's fears of 'bike-jacking' - a new phenomenon common to the outlying suburban parklands of Erith and Swanscombe - Boris was swift to allay fears.

Speaking from the Mayoral Office overlooking the Belfast, Boris commented: 'These worry monkeys have little to fear given the recent fall in scrap values of recycled bike frames. The prevailing targets of these 'jackers are '70s Chopper and Raleigh bikes - prized for their heavier weight. Indeed, the Mayor's Office has honoured these chaps with an environmental award for the most ingenious source of scrap metal.'. Moving on to the proposed routing via Banbury, Norwich and Tilbury, the Mayor further added: 'Like a lot of this claptrap, Urban pedalphobia is a chattering classes buzzword towed by the bandwagon of yuppie-dom. It bores me immensely, and I have no hesitation in yawning widely and loudly at the Brown's route. Like his namesake, his policy of U turn and meandering is to be deplored'.

Next meet:

2009-07-13T14:09:00.000-07:00

Pizza Express, 7.30 23rd July.
Graham to organise agenda again?

Planning for 2010

2009-07-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

An early blog to start off.

10 of us are cycling in May 2010 from either Bedford, or some of us Calais, to St Tropez.

This is in celebration of one of us - David Eales' 60th birthday. Here's a picture of the best bike to use - Bianchi and Cinelli models are Campagnolo driven scrap!

More to come now we're set up!

Bye for now.